…pick it up and throw it back.
Some things have happened over the last couple of months, and the doctor has confirmed my Hashimoto’s is back in a ‘hypothyroid state’, and that is just shit. I am tired, I’m damn exhausted. My head is fuzzy in a way that is difficult to describe – I forget crap – people’s names, and I’m talking about good friends and the names of colleagues, people I see every day. I forget things I have studied only moments before and I forget things I am saying mid sentence – you have no idea how embarrassing this can be. The same doctor even felt compelled to tell me that no amount of diet or exercise was going to help me lose any weight right now, I’m apparently fighting the alignment of the planets (she also confirmed a tear to my rectus abdominis – that doesn’t tickle – just saying – an no, this isn’t in my bum!). This news has not been well received – any of it. So, what do I do? The only thing I really know how to, I dig a little deeper. I find a little extra determination to just prove her wrong – don’t tell me I can’t do something, I just don’t accept that rubbish.
I am blessed to have the Pain Master in my life (although, rudely, she is off to the land of super sized Mac & Cheese in about a month). She has pounded the pavement and shared every rep with me over the last couple of months. She is the voice in my head and on the other end of a text message telling me not to give up. I am frustrated however. I am utterly disappointed that since getting on this hamster wheel I’ve lost a measly 5.8kg (pounds does sound better at 12.7lb). Disappointed isn’t really the right description for it, gut wrenchingly shattered. The Pain Master doesn’t listen to my whinging. She tells me not to give up, and that “slow progress is better than no progress”. How can one retaliate? I’ve got nothing, because I know she is right, but surely the pendulum has to swing in my favour sooner or later – doesn’t it?
Given I still have the Pain Master riding me for the next few weeks or so, her job is to keep me training while nurturing the Abs. This has proven a little difficult given I only know how to do All-or-Nothing, I’m finding the new restrictive training program frustrating and annoying and incredibly b-o-r-i-n-g. The Pain Master did try and prop up my self esteem by telling me most people would take an injury as an opportunity to sit back, put your feet up and not do anything. That’s just not how I roll. Did I mention a tear in the abdominals is painful? You forget just how much you use them doing everyday mundane things. So I am currently gritting my teeth through various adaptations of my normal training program. Why you may ask…because of nights like tonight.
The Pain Master did my week 8 measurements for this 12WBT round. I have lost a total of 43.5cm from my frame since February 4th…this year. This is why I grit my teeth, and in the words of Michelle Bridges, I just fucking do it.