Delusions

 

I am devastated.  Shattered. Disenchanted.  Wednesday’s are weigh in days on the 12WBT.  I have smashed some calories this week.  I have eaten exceptionally well, the family are even eating the 12WBT recipes.  I have trained like a trojan, sweated like a freakin’ horse.  And, I’ve gained weight.  Admittedly, not record breaking amounts.  Based on last week’s weigh in, I’ve put on 200g.

 

I did have a little sneaky peak on Monday and I was 500g lighter, so based on those numbers, I have put on 700g in 2 days.  Its enough to do your head in.  I’ve wallowed today, stuck for an explanation.

 

 

This is how I currently see myself.  Seriously.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then I got off the plane and drove to Pilates.  And, there was Yoda and Ms P.  Broad smiles making me highly suspicious.  As I was getting changed the nerves kicked in, what were those smiles concealing?  I discovered an equally tough workout ahead.  My cries of ‘my abs are still on fire’ brought zero compassion, only grins of satisfaction.  Ms P particularly understood my distress at the scales this morning, and then cracked that whip. Ms P correcting my technique to squeeze every last bit out of those abs and legs and arms and headspace.  All this while I salivated listening to her reminisce about her foodie weekend in Melbourne.  Not to mention the wine.  Envious.

As I snuck a little looksie at the clock I figured I was ‘cooked’. No. Wrong.  Yoda had other ideas.  Casually glancing at my nemesis, Yoda pointed and smiled.  One of those cheeky, evil, grins.  He’d been reading my blog.  He knows how competitive I am.  Yoda knows I can’t resist a challenge.  Again, cries of pain were not enough to deter him on his quest for his Wednesday dose of entertainment.  I waddled over to the Pike thingy-machine, placed my hands in somewhat the correct position, and lifted with my abs.  Fuck it hurt, but in a good way.  I had completed a Pike, okay – completed 80% of a Pike.  It wasn’t glamorous, but I did it.  Actually, I did three.  Surprisingly Yoda ‘knew’ I could do it.  Okay, not so surprising.  He is the Jedi master.

 

You think this is where tonight ends.  No.  I had a date with the Pain Master.  Another person in my life who chooses not to hear my begging to stop.  The Pain Master is one very special person.  She has been there over the years.  She has witnessed my battle with the scales.  The Pain Master and I broke bones within a week of each other.  Suffice to say, we’ve become close.  I owe her a lot.  The Pain Master knows just how determined I can be. Stubborn perhaps.  Tonight she got down and trained with me.  Super sets.  We worked hard, I genuinely don’t think I could have lifted another weight. I needed both training sessions.  I pushed myself and today’s gain will be next weeks loss.  Philosphical. I am blessed to have such amazing people in my life.  They believe in me. They are teaching me that each time I think I’ve mastered it, made it….they have the ability to move the goal posts.  Torture. xx

Shrinking - or not

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